There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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