margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
