i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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