Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
