Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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