Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
