i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
