We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize