When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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