i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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