i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
