Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
