So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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