This is not my ceiling
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
