I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
