I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize