I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
