Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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