Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
