you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
