Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
