remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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