also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
