Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
