I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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