the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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