You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
