I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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