Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
