hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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