community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
