I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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