once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
