I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
