oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
