Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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