an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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