we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
