Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
