Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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