I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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