Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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