The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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