All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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