then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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