Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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