my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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