Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
