Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
