I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
