He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
