what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
