we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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