Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
