i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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