listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
