awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
