I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
