You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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