We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
