i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
