i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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