Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Boobs speak an international language.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
