I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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