I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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