Buhtt sex?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
