She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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